A Biker Wants to Sue Me

I hate bicyclists. I’ve always hated them. And now, I have a huge extra big reason to feel that way because one just ran into my car, and the guy is threatening to sue.

Look, bikes are useless. After the age of maybe twelve, they should be retired. We should treat bikes like we treat Halloween, a real gas for kids but anyone over a certain age has no business getting involved.

That’s how it should be, and yet I see more and more of these people (adults, mind you), clogging up the city streets on their two wheels. They’re a menace. They slow down traffic. They take up the central part of the lane so no one can get past. They don’t pay attention. They often ignore traffic signs and just fly right through. They’re a danger to themselves and to others.

I can’t imagine how many accidents take place because cars have to stop suddenly when a guy on a bike decides he wants to stop at the hipster fancy mustache shop and so he makes a sudden left into traffic. I don’t know the number, but I’m going to assume it’s high.

So this guy hit me. I don’t know if he was going to do a mustache shop. He did have a mustache, though.

I’m getting ahead of myself here. Let me set the scene. I was driving home two nights ago. It was after dark because I got out of work late. We have a big project due soon, and I’m stressed and not sleeping well, but that’s neither here nor there.

I was driving home, and this guy who wasn’t wearing a helmet and was wearing dark clothes zoomed out in front of me. I slowed down appropriately, I sat behind him doing ten miles an hour in a 35, waiting for him to get over to the side or turn onto another street. I wasted several long minutes of my life indulging his exercise routine.

During those minutes, he went through at least two stop signs. He’d lightly touch his breaks, look both ways and fly through.

Well, at sign number three, he decided for some reason to stop completely, despite the fact there were no other cars coming. I wasn’t expecting this, so my bumper kissed his back tire.

He flew off his bike dramatically, and got up and started beating on my car. He said he’d sue and demanded my information, which I gave.

Now, I’m finding out he may actually have a case. Apparently, he’s not required to wear a helmet, and I’ll have to prove he wasn’t following all the rules of the road.

What an awful couple of days I’ve had, and it’s only going to get worse. I was contacted today by someone claiming to be this guy’s lawyer. Maybe it was a prank, I hope it was, but I somehow doubt it.


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