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Not All Divorces are Awful

You hear all the time about the awful details of divorces. Whether it’s friends gossiping together about the divorces of other friends or gossip magazines revealing (or making up) details about celebrity divorces, it definitely feels like the whole of society is dead certain divorce is absolutely awful all the time.

I want to push back on this, so with the permission of my lovely ex-wife, I’m going to share my story.

Sarah and I got divorced two years ago. We were married for six years. We’re still really good friends. We hang out. We meet up at parties and we chat. Sarah’s quite close to my fiance Clare, and I like her new boyfriend pretty well.

How did this happen?

Well, let me start at the beginning. Sarah and I got married right out of college. We dated from the middle of junior year all through senior year. We finished school at the same time, we both wanted the same sort of things (or so we thought), and it just seemed to make sense. I look back on it now through the lens of Clare, and I see that we were probably just comfortable and we wanted someone there as we looked to take on the big scary responsibilities in life.

We got married that autumn without a lot of wedding drama. We were moderately happy for a couple years, then not happy for a couple more, then miserable for the last two.

We ended up not wanting the same things in life. I decided I didn’t want to be a lawyer (which had always been part of our long-term plans). I got a great job near home (we live in Texas) in the natural gas field, and I loved it. Sarah decided she wanted to go back to school, and that eventually, she wanted to move out to the coast. Basically, I was ready to settle down and start thinking about a family, and Sarah wanted to start over.

When we decided to get divorced, it came as a relief to both of us. We often laugh about how neither of us can remember who brought the topic up. We just had an “oh yeah,” epiphany sort of moment. Once it was out there, it was really quick and painless. We had an uncontested divorce, which you can read about at this law site if you don’t know what it means. And then we weren’t married anymore. Aside from some early awkwardness, everything has been fine between us.

So, there you have it. Not every divorce is awful for either or both parties. It’s worked out well for Sarah and me. I bet a lot of people out there have similar stories.

By the way, Sarah’s starting school next year, and she’s moving to the coast. Good for her!